The Day I Noticed My Vagina
" Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!"
What felt like and eternity passes as I sat in the tub panicking. okay really it was just two minutes.
" Maaaaaaa!!!!! COME HERE! its an emergency this time I promise."
she then yells from the living room
"Essence I'm cooking whats the problem?"
I yell even louder in frustration
"Ma its about my PRIVATE PART !!!!"
so of course now she come rushing in.
THIS MARKS THE FIRST OF MANY TIMES I FLASHED MY MOTHER
" WHATS WRONG POOH?! What happened ? whats the problem?!"
at this point she's panicking which wasn't odd for my mother, so now I'm calm because her nervousness easily overshadows mine by a long shot.
now her eyes get wide because she then notices I'm SPREAD EAGLE in the tub separating my vagina lips Starring in confusion awe and pain.
Side Bar: an important piece of information, I am LEGIT a hypochondriac, I literally always think I am having a near death experience. However, thats a story for another day.
"Ma, my Private part hurts when I was washing it with soap, and then I tried to wash it out and its burning"
I take a short pause and point to my inner labia lips and clitoris
"ma what is this?"
prior to this moment my Knowledge was that my vagina was private and no one is supposed to touch it, ( in my mind that included me) and that I was to wash it everyday, but that was the bulk of my knowledge. granted I was relatively young, but
we didn't talk about sex; nor was I taught about in my my house back then it just wasn't a thing. So this was literally my first time really noticing my vagina in a" trying to understand it" way. I knew it had feeling because I used to hump a lot but this was the first time I made the connection.
At this point she wants to laugh but she's trying to take me serious. I distinctly remember her putting her hands on her face, shaking her head and chuckling the way she often did.
"Pooh you're not supposed to put soap inside of your vagina, why do you have your legs all cocked open like that.... thats apart of your vagina pooh its just the inside wash it with water and stop touching it, LEAVE IT ALONE!
After that she walked out.
I think this could've been a good teaching moment because I am very curious and its one of those things where if you don't explain it I'm going to figure it out at some point even if I have to do so on my own, and I did.
I don't blame mother she had me at 19 grew up in the jehovah witness environment she wasn't spoken to in detail about these things it was just "you better not do it"
but there is something i've learned from my own experience, I was a very sexually curious child, and just curious period about all things just like I am now, I could've used a person to speak to about that without shame besides my peers, like someone with actual knowledge. So I decided one day I would be this person for my children and other peoples children if they wanted, I would be the home for their curiosity and fickle feelings they will feel while dating young and let them know that yes your heart is broken and thats okay we all go through it and that one day you'll laugh about the fact that you even wanted to date that person, validate them by not writing what their feeling off as puppy love because I remember just how real it felt to me then. And no you don't pee and bleed from the same hole, you have birth control options that they wont show you, and yeah you have the right to change your mind. No, Sleeping with them wont Make them like you.
Thanks or reading and sharing this time and space with me, until next time.
What felt like and eternity passes as I sat in the tub panicking. okay really it was just two minutes.
" Maaaaaaa!!!!! COME HERE! its an emergency this time I promise."
she then yells from the living room
"Essence I'm cooking whats the problem?"
I yell even louder in frustration
"Ma its about my PRIVATE PART !!!!"
so of course now she come rushing in.
THIS MARKS THE FIRST OF MANY TIMES I FLASHED MY MOTHER
" WHATS WRONG POOH?! What happened ? whats the problem?!"
at this point she's panicking which wasn't odd for my mother, so now I'm calm because her nervousness easily overshadows mine by a long shot.
now her eyes get wide because she then notices I'm SPREAD EAGLE in the tub separating my vagina lips Starring in confusion awe and pain.
Side Bar: an important piece of information, I am LEGIT a hypochondriac, I literally always think I am having a near death experience. However, thats a story for another day.
"Ma, my Private part hurts when I was washing it with soap, and then I tried to wash it out and its burning"
I take a short pause and point to my inner labia lips and clitoris
"ma what is this?"
prior to this moment my Knowledge was that my vagina was private and no one is supposed to touch it, ( in my mind that included me) and that I was to wash it everyday, but that was the bulk of my knowledge. granted I was relatively young, but
we didn't talk about sex; nor was I taught about in my my house back then it just wasn't a thing. So this was literally my first time really noticing my vagina in a" trying to understand it" way. I knew it had feeling because I used to hump a lot but this was the first time I made the connection.
At this point she wants to laugh but she's trying to take me serious. I distinctly remember her putting her hands on her face, shaking her head and chuckling the way she often did.
"Pooh you're not supposed to put soap inside of your vagina, why do you have your legs all cocked open like that.... thats apart of your vagina pooh its just the inside wash it with water and stop touching it, LEAVE IT ALONE!
After that she walked out.
I think this could've been a good teaching moment because I am very curious and its one of those things where if you don't explain it I'm going to figure it out at some point even if I have to do so on my own, and I did.
I don't blame mother she had me at 19 grew up in the jehovah witness environment she wasn't spoken to in detail about these things it was just "you better not do it"
but there is something i've learned from my own experience, I was a very sexually curious child, and just curious period about all things just like I am now, I could've used a person to speak to about that without shame besides my peers, like someone with actual knowledge. So I decided one day I would be this person for my children and other peoples children if they wanted, I would be the home for their curiosity and fickle feelings they will feel while dating young and let them know that yes your heart is broken and thats okay we all go through it and that one day you'll laugh about the fact that you even wanted to date that person, validate them by not writing what their feeling off as puppy love because I remember just how real it felt to me then. And no you don't pee and bleed from the same hole, you have birth control options that they wont show you, and yeah you have the right to change your mind. No, Sleeping with them wont Make them like you.
Moral of The Story
ALWAYS be willing to educate without judgement, and Be the person you wish you had growing up.
And for those who are dying to know, no I don't Flash her anymore, my befriend ( Wildly Brittish) and a GYN hesitantly hold that position, and both great at soothing whatever my fear may be that week.
Thanks or reading and sharing this time and space with me, until next time.
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