Learning To Let Go
" You do not get what you deserve, you get what you accept."
Every couple of years or so ill notice a bunch of very confusing things will start happening that ill perceive as "bad" things are happening to me. Its always one cohesive lesson, what just clicked to me today that for the last 3 years that is what life has been trying to teach me.
Up until this point I was one of those people that would super over extend myself for people that I cared for and would barely receive half that in return. I also had the habit of picking up "projects"
people that you KNOW cannot love you adequately because they've been extremely hurt or damaged in some way, but for what ever reason thinking you can love them back to happiness. I am naturally a nurturer and a healer if I see you hurting its my first instinct to want to help, but I always do it to the point of sacrificing myself. its almost like I work hard to get myself together just to meet you and then transfer that energy which means in return I get your negative energy. I also may have a dash of abandonment issues because when I love you I hang on for dear life and its just not healthy. I need to love myself that much and decide to let go.
I am done with that today was finally my turning point, I have been battling with a decision of wether to chase a job that I was already hired for but they got new management and are now trying to drag their feet with hiring and and honestly just waiting for me to "quit" for them. at first I was going to fight hard for my position because I had invested so much time and money into the process from trainings fingerprints, expecting that id make it back. now here I am with bills to pay and I can fight and get the job but as I sat and though about it in the tub I was like this feels like my relationships with people for the last 3 years of my life ( really my whole life but the last 3 years have been tragic trust me when I tell you) . So I decided I'm just not willing to put up with that shit in any shape or form from anyone no matter how much I may need something its not worth sacrificing myself. I will not sacrifice myself for no one ever again, and this isn't some bitter or angry declaration. Also I honestly me basically begging for a place there will set the tone with our relationship and my time is worth everything and you don't get to play with it, so NO. I actually feel like there is a weight lifted off of my shoulders because its like now I finally get it. if my time and presence isn't being properly valued and ANY situation that I am in I vow to leave it and find something or someone that does.
So, as of right now I can honestly say there is no friendship, relationship or job that I have lost that I regret, in all actuality I could've let go sooner.
in conclusion, the sooner you choose you the simpler things will be, I know that in choosing me ill be more happy and therefore able to make those who deserve my presence happy as well. I've noticed when you move bullshit out the way you leave room for the things you actually deserve to enter your space. Sometimes you just have to let go.
Every couple of years or so ill notice a bunch of very confusing things will start happening that ill perceive as "bad" things are happening to me. Its always one cohesive lesson, what just clicked to me today that for the last 3 years that is what life has been trying to teach me.
Up until this point I was one of those people that would super over extend myself for people that I cared for and would barely receive half that in return. I also had the habit of picking up "projects"
people that you KNOW cannot love you adequately because they've been extremely hurt or damaged in some way, but for what ever reason thinking you can love them back to happiness. I am naturally a nurturer and a healer if I see you hurting its my first instinct to want to help, but I always do it to the point of sacrificing myself. its almost like I work hard to get myself together just to meet you and then transfer that energy which means in return I get your negative energy. I also may have a dash of abandonment issues because when I love you I hang on for dear life and its just not healthy. I need to love myself that much and decide to let go.
I am done with that today was finally my turning point, I have been battling with a decision of wether to chase a job that I was already hired for but they got new management and are now trying to drag their feet with hiring and and honestly just waiting for me to "quit" for them. at first I was going to fight hard for my position because I had invested so much time and money into the process from trainings fingerprints, expecting that id make it back. now here I am with bills to pay and I can fight and get the job but as I sat and though about it in the tub I was like this feels like my relationships with people for the last 3 years of my life ( really my whole life but the last 3 years have been tragic trust me when I tell you) . So I decided I'm just not willing to put up with that shit in any shape or form from anyone no matter how much I may need something its not worth sacrificing myself. I will not sacrifice myself for no one ever again, and this isn't some bitter or angry declaration. Also I honestly me basically begging for a place there will set the tone with our relationship and my time is worth everything and you don't get to play with it, so NO. I actually feel like there is a weight lifted off of my shoulders because its like now I finally get it. if my time and presence isn't being properly valued and ANY situation that I am in I vow to leave it and find something or someone that does.
So, as of right now I can honestly say there is no friendship, relationship or job that I have lost that I regret, in all actuality I could've let go sooner.
in conclusion, the sooner you choose you the simpler things will be, I know that in choosing me ill be more happy and therefore able to make those who deserve my presence happy as well. I've noticed when you move bullshit out the way you leave room for the things you actually deserve to enter your space. Sometimes you just have to let go.
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