The Fear of Success
LET ME BE CLEAR!
This is not to say that I do not want to succeed, what I'm saying is failing is inevitable, its a fate we all at some point or another accept, almost to the point of being comfortable with it. when things don't work out we go "Oh, that's life" or " Shit happens, maybe next" or more famously "Its cool, sometimes the things you want most wont work out"
Ive become accustomed to taking the "failure" and moving on to the next best thing.
But this year I've decided to remain consistent; I wondered what would happen if I just kept on pushing forward even if I don't know how I'm going to pay for my dreams. What if I just walked on faith and believed that the universe would answer for me.
I am definitely normally more of a, I'll believe it when I see it sort of person but I acknowledged that that frame of mind wasn't getting me anywhere, so I decided to got out on a limb. Now the universe didn't immediately just show up with all the answers, actually quite the opposite. The great stuff only came when I was willing to surrender and truly accept that I cannot control everything, but I still must put one foot in front of the other even if I have no idea where the hell I'm going. Then she ( The Universe) showed up for me in very big ways. For what ever reason that was scarier than anything I had ever experienced. Im a plan and lists kind of person and to think no matter how far ahead you you plan you still have to walk on faith and be delusional enough to believe that the universe is working in my favor and I'm going to succeed. At first it felt like I was lying to myself and then when I gave in and believed, It worked and if I'm being honest it felt like complete witchcraft. (lol)
One of my most confirming experiences of this new thought process was the celebration of black excellence event I just threw named Operation Black Out. How I came about doing that was, one day this summer I was on this Instagram named "@MediaOutrage2" and he asked something along the lines of " what are things you you feel would be beneficial to the community" And I responded "wouldn't it be dope if we had a black version of the small business expo" that sat on my mind for the upcoming weeks like it would be so dope if someone did that and made it a supportive family like feel. Then my dad randomly asked what I wanted for my birthday and I just thought fuck it let me shoot my shot. So I asked him to help pay for this event space where I wanted to throw this event, and him being the great guy he is said "sure baby girl", and from there anytime I felt lost or didn't know what I was going to do or how, the answer would pop up I got two amazing creative directors and an event producer to help that believed in my vision and both bought a lot to the table and needless to say we killed it!
don't believe me ? well see for yourself
This is not to say that I do not want to succeed, what I'm saying is failing is inevitable, its a fate we all at some point or another accept, almost to the point of being comfortable with it. when things don't work out we go "Oh, that's life" or " Shit happens, maybe next" or more famously "Its cool, sometimes the things you want most wont work out"
Ive become accustomed to taking the "failure" and moving on to the next best thing.
But this year I've decided to remain consistent; I wondered what would happen if I just kept on pushing forward even if I don't know how I'm going to pay for my dreams. What if I just walked on faith and believed that the universe would answer for me.
I am definitely normally more of a, I'll believe it when I see it sort of person but I acknowledged that that frame of mind wasn't getting me anywhere, so I decided to got out on a limb. Now the universe didn't immediately just show up with all the answers, actually quite the opposite. The great stuff only came when I was willing to surrender and truly accept that I cannot control everything, but I still must put one foot in front of the other even if I have no idea where the hell I'm going. Then she ( The Universe) showed up for me in very big ways. For what ever reason that was scarier than anything I had ever experienced. Im a plan and lists kind of person and to think no matter how far ahead you you plan you still have to walk on faith and be delusional enough to believe that the universe is working in my favor and I'm going to succeed. At first it felt like I was lying to myself and then when I gave in and believed, It worked and if I'm being honest it felt like complete witchcraft. (lol)
One of my most confirming experiences of this new thought process was the celebration of black excellence event I just threw named Operation Black Out. How I came about doing that was, one day this summer I was on this Instagram named "@MediaOutrage2" and he asked something along the lines of " what are things you you feel would be beneficial to the community" And I responded "wouldn't it be dope if we had a black version of the small business expo" that sat on my mind for the upcoming weeks like it would be so dope if someone did that and made it a supportive family like feel. Then my dad randomly asked what I wanted for my birthday and I just thought fuck it let me shoot my shot. So I asked him to help pay for this event space where I wanted to throw this event, and him being the great guy he is said "sure baby girl", and from there anytime I felt lost or didn't know what I was going to do or how, the answer would pop up I got two amazing creative directors and an event producer to help that believed in my vision and both bought a lot to the table and needless to say we killed it!
don't believe me ? well see for yourself
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